Okay, I've had a few drinks, but seriously, what the FUCK? Who are the men who think this way in the US in the freaking 21st century and how did they ever gain entry into the same sex that produced my feminist husband?

[M]arriage is concerned above all with female sexuality...The very existence of kinship depends on the protection of females from rape, degradation, and concubinage...This is why marriage between men and women has been necessary in virtually every society ever known. Marriage, whatever its particular manifestation in a particular culture or epoch, is essentially about who may and who may not have sexual access to a woman when she becomes an adult, and is also about how her adulthood–and sexual accessibility–is defined...This most profound aspect of marriage–protecting and controlling the sexuality of the child-bearing sex–is its only true reason for being, and it has no equivalent in same-sex marriage...

Few men would ever bother to enter into a romantic heterosexual marriage–much less three, as I have done–were it not for the iron grip of necessity that falls upon us when we are unwise enough to fall in love with a woman other than our mom.

Not to mention this blatant envy of teh Ghey:

Can gay men and women be as generous as we straight men are? Will you consider us as men who love, just as you do, and not merely as homophobes or Baptists? Every day thousands of ordinary heterosexual men surrender the dream of gratifying our immediate erotic desires. Instead, heroically, resignedly, we march up the aisle with our new brides, starting out upon what that cad poet Shelley called the longest journey, attired in the chains of the kinship system–a system from which you have been spared.

Please, spare me your generosity. Please.

ETA: I just saw this gem at the original source. "[T]he illicit or licit nature of heterosexual copulation is transmitted to the child, who is deemed legitimate or illegitimate based on the metaphysical category of its parents' coition." He must be joking. Please tell me he's joking. It is 2009.